Genevieve's Place

This is one of many entries I've started and never finished, given I stop because of a lack of things to say, give up, and notice I still haven't finished two hours later. Anyway, this one I hope to finish, and say something. Tomorrow I go back to the big bad city. I can't say I'm not pumped, but I can't necessarily say I am, either. It's been sooo nice being home. It's just...I never think about things that worry me even though I should, and I'm actually very glad Christmas is over. Super glad. One more gathering to go, and that one never really feels like Christmas though. So, I guess on Saturday, (yes, in a few days) I have to come back for that. My mom told me I didn't have to though, so we'll see what everyone has planned for New Year's Day.

Silly how someone's words in passing can make me feel so good! While others, while meaning to be complimentary, can make me feel so cheap. I guess I've been asking for it though. When will I learn? Self-worth can't be found in others. silly me. Ever notice there's never anyone there when you really really want to say something?

Posted by Jen at 10:45 PM | Permalink | Comments

Christmas. What is there to say? This was a year like any other. Kids' Christmas program on Christmas Eve in the evening, presents after. Unfortunatly, also church the next morning. I said this morning I don't remember being so forlorn in a church before. Then I realized I had thought about Church of the Rock the whole time, wishing I was spending it there. With my family of course. I was tempted to go into the city this morning, by myself, or with whoever I could scrounge up. I know I was being mean, but I was bored to tears the whole morning. All I could think about was here are all these people. Oh, over there are some of the guys I went to sunday school with. Oh, and her over there..etcetcetc. But, I figure since I'm going in tomorrow for one stupid work shift, it doesn't really make sense. And tomorrow, tomorrow is the Christmas gathering. Also feeling like it will be same old, same old. How could it ever change?

I've noticed in the last few years that, the Christmas season never really even hit me, not even on Christmas Day, singing Christmas Carols, none of that stuff. I haven't been in the "Christmas Spirit" for as long as I can remember. But I think I'm beginning to realize why I don't feel it anymore. Not only am I not involved in silly little Christmas plays, I think that, in the past, years ago, Christmastime is the only time I ever really felt like a Christian. Now I feel it all the time. Like, I wouldn't say that Christmas is the only time I acted like a Christian, not that I'd remember.

So, partypeople...how was the party?

Posted by Jen at 11:59 PM | Permalink | Comments

So, today I wrote my math exam. Which I felt completely unprepared for because I didn't study much and felt I didn't really understand it at all. When I started to go through all the questions...I started to be quite uneasy, I really didn't think I knew how to do half the stuff...but somehow, somewhere, it just started coming to me. I don't know how I came up with answers to some of them, but, I just did. I know for a fact that I got a lot of stuff wrong, but I also know I got a lot right. :P Well, here's hoping for an A.

Tonight I went out for coffee with an awesome friend of mine, who I can actually be myself around. You'd be surprised at who I can be, I can surprise myself sometimes. It helps often just to talk things out to someone, even though you're talking them out to yourself. So, I've kinda come to terms with some stuff in my head. Without even voicing it, I know there's stuff in my life that has to go. Stuff that I've let define how I feel about myself. It's kinda like how, you forget all the good stuff people say about you, and you know by rote all the bad stuff people have said. Well, lately, I've been trying in vain to fill my life with empty compliments (figuratively and literally). That has to stop. Pretty much now. I can't do this half way. Because it's not working, and I cannot let all that crap define who I think I am. Because it's not who I am, really.

Posted by Jen at 2:08 AM | Permalink | Comments

All ready and rearing and street legal! Well, sorta. Anyway, I'm back in my room sweet room on my home sweet computer. Speaking of home, that's where I'm going tomorrow. Well, if I ever get to sleep, and to my exam tomorrow. I don't actually know how I'm going to do tomorrow. I guess I'll just have to take my time.

Okay, ever feel like you're life's like, kinda like a story? Or like you're watching someone else do stuff that you never thought you would? Or like that stuff has been slowly happening to you that if something (good or bad) happened to you that a few months ago you'd never dream of yourself having to deal with, is just nothing now? Does that make any sense at all? Well, I'm just acting crazy because of what time it is and hope that you can forgive me for being obscure, for I will never elaborate.

Posted by Jen at 1:56 AM | Permalink | Comments

So, in the midst of me, not having a computer, and not having studied for tomorrow's exam too much, I bring you, Christmas party 2004. Brought to you in part by, you, for you are bringing the food. Thanks, by the way. Oh, and it would not be possible, without the good suggestion of Crystal to have a party in the first place. So, cheers to you. So guys, same party place, same party channel. Seriously though, questions? Call me.

As for studying...I should do some more.

Posted by Jen at 8:59 PM | Permalink | Comments

I'm taking this 'short' study break to tell y'all what's up. So, since my computer is have, hopefully temporary, ehem...'technical' um, difficulties, I'm using Rae's computer for short intervals. I'm trying to keep it homework related, and so far it's working ok. I'm kinda thinking it's almost a good thing (see how I'm trying to convince myself?) that this happened now. I knew the bottom had to eventually fall out concerning this particular computer issue, but I guess this allows me to do a touch more homework that I would with my computer. Well, maybe.

Oh, exciting moment of the day. I washed my pillows, and they are now significantly more fluffy. Well, since I am using a computer which is not mine, and since I should be studying, I will talk to you later.

Posted by Jen at 1:38 PM | Permalink | Comments

Today's been a super-productive day, despite me only getting out of bed at 11. First thing I did was get my nose pierced! woo! It only hurt when there was a gaping hole in my nose thanks to a needle and she dropped my pin. Ow. But all in all not bad. It hasn't hurt all day except for now, cuz I keep touching. I almost scared myself before because I couldn't feel it on the inside of my nose. I guess you can tell where my fingers have been. Um, after that I went to The New Winkler Wal-Mart. Wow. So weird to see that kind of thing going on in Winkler. Kinda makes me not want to live here. ever. But, I mean it's on a pretty small scale so I think it's liveable. Still surreal though.

In the afternoon, after much much trouble....Blah, I don't want to talk about that. But anyway! I got a cellphone! I don't know why I'm so thrilled about that besides the fact that 'everyone else has one' :P No one has called me yet though...no one at all. :( Hah, no one knows my number either.

And after all that excitement, I got a new remote starter for my car. Woo for never ever having to crawl through my trunk again! Or bothering with keys to unlock! Then in the evening, once again, I went to the Christmas concert. Sang the Hallelujah chours. It was grood. I hadn't read sheet music in forever and a day. That was my excitement.

Posted by Jen at 11:52 PM | Permalink | Comments

I know one of the presents I'm getting this year is in fact, a giftcard for fashion. It's going to be from one of my aunts I think. Can you imagine if I opened it, and shouted that very line? I was getting weird looks from my sisters tonight from quoting homestar, (well, TGS) and they watch it. I was, just in a weird mood.

I went to one of the high school christmas programs tonight. Tomorrow I'll be going to the second one. For the first time ever, I was able to sit back and actually enjoy what was going on. Other years all I did was sit and watch the paper program and count down the number of songs I had to sit through, and be critical of everything. This time, I just watched, listened, thought of how I missed being on the risers being shown by Mrs. T which song we were going to sing next, feeling very proud of the whole choir. I guess what I don't remember about high school was that I guess it was uncool to smile or have expression. Oh wow, I sound like a teacher now. Anyway, it just seemed that everyone was very unenthused to be there and that they were only humouring their teachers and parents. But I really know they were all proud of themselves.

I was also thinking about how, I can't say that this past year was the best year of my life. Because I feel like it's been the only year of my life. I've been out of high school for...eighteen months now. I don't really feel like I've accomplished all that much. I've...worked away from home, and...gone to university a little...I just don't feel like that's a lot. But it's more than I was able to do in high school. I also have to admit I don't remember a lot of this past year, just because, I suck at remembering things.

Posted by Jen at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Comments

Sometimes I wonder what my breaking point is. Like how much it'd take for me to just go crazy on someone's ass, like I kinda feel like doing right now. I couldn't be more pumped to be leaving this place for a couple of days. Obviously someone blantantly stealing from me isn't nearly enough to push me over the edge. Good lord, when will this end? I feel like I've been trapped in the circle of f-uppedness for far too long. AND, I don't even care about the person involved. Why do I have to so damn nonconfrontational?! Sometimes in my head I think Damn, I'm nice! and than laugh at how stupid that sounds.

Why do I always except things as they are and never even try to change them?!

Posted by Jen at 11:31 PM | Permalink | Comments

I'm going home soon! I'm going home soon! Tomorrow after work, well rather, the next day, I'm heading to Winkler! I probably shouldn't be too excited, because I know there are two exams I probably won't get around to studying. Not that there's terribly much to do at home. I think I'd enjoy just sitting and looking at the Christmas tree. We got a new one this year. One with lights in it. My mom is pleased.

My parents came in yesterday and they went to church with me this morning. After the service my dad got a call on his cell and some people couldn't make it Celebrations, so I go to go! I was...pretty pumped. It was The Best of Friends. It was really good, really. I wasn't actually expecting it to be as good as it was. Good is my over-used adjective. I didn't sit with my parents because the 'ticket' I was using was 'everyone else' while my parents were at the rich guy's (who paid for it all) client's table. I was at the employee table, which meant I was sitting with truckers. Two empty seats next to me, no big deal. It was okay, the guy across from me slowly getting completely hammered, calling me 'good girl' for going to university. Fu-un times. I'm just glad I didn't get pulled up on stage. Bleh.

Today in the mall, me and mom got stopped by TV people from...CTV I think. My mom refused, so I went under the camera. (ha-ha) So, I was busy, and couldn't watch, but if you saw me, well, that was me. Apparently I did air, so I guess they couldn't find much better footage than me..:P

Posted by Jen at 10:20 PM | Permalink | Comments

I think I'm going through withdrawal. Withdrawal from a regular routine. Regular everyday, until *bam* wednesday's over, and nothing. I think I've watched two hours of tv already today. TLC has a wedding marathon or whatever it is on, and yeah, it's a bit crazy. My favourite so far is The Perfect Dress. *sigh*

I almost slept in this morning. Bad, because I had an exam. Which was easy. It wasn't worth much more than a test to the final grade. I also picked up from my History prof, my much stressed over essay paper. Remember that one? I did pretty good. Good enough for my non-paper-writing standards anyway.

Posted by Jen at 3:30 PM | Permalink | Comments

Done two midterms. I did okay on my psychology one, but really, it's just psychology, and it's just multiple choice. History, though. History I'm quite worried about. If I didn't already know that I suck at writing essays, give me an essay to write with a time limit, and no access to resources! I'm not excited to see that mark. One more midterm this week, tomorrow morning, and then two finals close to Christmas. What I'm going to do to fill the time in between, I don't know.

I'm alone in the basement. Plus I've got nothing to do. So, I'm just sitting here. With...nothing to do. I guess I should be studying for my exam tomorrow, but I'll get to that yet. This place is so depressing. Yay for half a year done!

Posted by Jen at 12:57 PM | Permalink | Comments

So, not much going on around here. After tomorrow I'll be alone. Oh so alone. So, um, if anyone still existing in the city wants me not be alone, they should call me. We'll see spongebob. Tomorrow I've got two midterms. Not really all that worried. Nothing I can do now. Just studied a little bit ( I mean all day) today. I'll be spending the rest of my week studying for the exam on Friday. Good times. My parents are coming in this weekend again. This time to church with me...

night!

Posted by Jen at 11:38 PM | Permalink | Comments

Okay, I just took Nyquil so I'll try to write this fast. (Yes I took it before bed, not after ;)) . So for the laughing. And, um, don't mention this to me in person. So, I was brushing off my car, having a great time, and when I go to leave, I discover my car has locked itself on me. Great. Just awesome. Especially since I know that my car locks are particularily sensitive and doesn't even like to open when you have keys, and less so with spare keys. SO I run inside and get the spares. Grab different shoes cuz my other ones are wet, grab my wet sneakers from the entrance, go to my car...and...ahhhh, worked like magic. So I jump ever so thankfully into my car and I'm off. Getting out of my car at St.Vital...I look in my backseat where I thought I tossed my wet sneakers....nothing. I look atop my car roof. One.sneaker. Wow. I laughed, but I felt like an idiot. How many people saw the idiot with one shoe on top of her car? Wow. So, that was kinda my evening in a nutshell.

*conks out*

Posted by Jen at 11:35 PM | Permalink | Comments

The world is soft today. And quiet. I love this weather. It's on my list of favourite weathers. If I had snowpants, I'd be making snow angels and lying in the snow right now. It feels a lot more like Christmas now. It feels more Christmassy than last year, but I don't really remember what it was like last year, except to me it felt unChristmassy. I wish I had a cup of hot chocolate, but I guess I'll have to settle for a nice cold bowl of salad.

I'm done accounting!!!! Wait, no, now I have to spend the next two weeks making up for the homework I haven't been doing. crap.

Oh, I tried on my grad dress yesterday and boo-urns..(wait for it) I'm going to have to take it in...haha. Maybe this time I'll be in pictures and not hate what they look like.

I want to go see spongebob.

Posted by Jen at 4:29 PM | Permalink | Comments

Work felt never-ending today, but mostly me and Gina stood around and talked. Oh wait, no, we worked really really hard and it was busy. Yeah...go selling jackets. Plus I think I scare off half the people with my sexy-voice. It squeaks. Yay working in a mall. See? I can be enthusiastic.

Tomorrow my parents are coming to a Moose game and afterwards they're taking me out for supper :) I love that. Oh, I got rid of two of my shifts next week (including Sunday) and I'm actually quite pumped about that. Okay, three exams this week. Not terribly pumped. Well, all three of them are more like...term tests. The biggest one is worth...I don't know 18% or something. Not too stressed out. Hm, once again I've worked on this for over an hour and have come up with nothing. Nothing.

Keep that smile on your face, it makes people think you're happy.

Posted by Jen at 11:59 PM | Permalink | Comments

What to say...hmm....now that I've almost completely lost my voice, I don't really have much to say. I just got off the phone with my mom...and I'm getting a cell phone for christmas!! WOOO! Not only that, I expected that. They're going to pay the monthly stuff-thingers!! w00t to the extreme.

Hmm, lately I've been trying to host/upload/generally use the u of m's thinger for hosting websites. Except I don't understand a bit of it. I just want to make a real website :( *said the girl who has no idea what she's doing* Help?

Anyway, I think I'm sicker than I first thought...so, I'm going to try to get better.
Laters.

Posted by Jen at 1:06 PM | Permalink | Comments

To those of you who care...I'm sorry for always using weakerthan's lyrics for blog post titles, but they're always in my head and in my player. Anyhoo. I used to think talking while you were sick kinda sounded cool...I think I just sound sad. My bedtime snack tonight is kommstborscht, so lets hope my grandma's soup has magical healing powers. Well, I also figure that maybe when I start going to bed at reasonable times, maybe I'll feel better altogether. Oh well.

I can't say this enough: Only a few more classes left! Nothing new in math! Ever! (well, til calculus starts in January)...on the downside, no more bible study (well, it won't be the same, probably)

Tonight I went to FGMB college and career. I had never been to a c & c before. It was grood. Good times. Well, it's getting to be super super late...so i'm off to dreamland.

Posted by Jen at 11:59 PM | Permalink | Comments

into sickness...I can see myself getting sicker and sicker. Fun fun. I don't remember the last time I let myself just lie down and admit being sick, and just taking it easy. BUT NO. I have to keep going. One day, when I'm rich and no one depends on me...I'll let myself stay sick in bed. And today, today was one of those days where, you know, it's really really cold outside. Like freezing my BUM off cold. But my jacket was nice and warm, but that doesn't count for much when your ears want to fall off and you can't feel your legs. I wish I could stay in this warm basement tonight, but alas, one must work for a living. It's not going to be much better tomorrow either, like -29 with the windchill. Brrr. Why...do I live in Canada again? Remind me.

My accounting professor (ONE CLASS LEFT!!) said something interesting today. He was talking about investing I know, but you know...my mind wanders. He said, 'the past never predicts the future, it never has, if it did, then we wouldn't be here.' Hmm. Not exactly sure what he intended to mean by we wouldn't be here, but...interesting.

Oh, and yes Marcia, the Jen I was talking about previous is my CCC bible study leader. Yup. Good times. Three Jens and a Jenna in the study. Plus the extracurricular Jens. Wow.

Before you read this Holly, just know that I love you, and I will see you at Christmas time. But, me and Rae, (among others, i suppose) are going to the Church of the Rock's New Year's Eve banquet. Oh, no wait the ticket says Young Adults New Years Formal. Yup. Holly I love you.

Posted by Jen at 4:26 PM | Permalink | Comments