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Okay, here I am at a time that's way too late for someone to be up if they have to work the next morning. But really, work has unlimited coffee. I'm mostly writing right now, because I know Holly checks. Everyday, even though she knows she will find nothing new. And this is not good. I often do want to write things, and even half write them in my head, but then, no. I don't have the time/I don't have the right words/I will offend someone/What I say doesn't matter...etc...etc. The excuses go on. And really, I'm not all that upset at much at the time. Life is excellent, I have an awesome job, and an 'okay' second job, I'm leaving for Europe in three months, and when I come back, I hope to assert my independence once and for all. So the plan is in my head, anyway. My degree feels like it's taking forever and that it never ends. I suppose an extra year for a bachelors doesn't make so much difference in the long run, but when I already wasted a year after high school, it's starting to add up. So, the plan is, six years after I graduate high school, I graduate university, then I enrol in the hell that is known as CASB. What lies ahead for me there I have no idea. Free time will be redefined, friendships lost, forged, neglected, sanity questioned. Or so I hear. But when I'm done, oh man, when I'm done. Glory glory. A job pretty much wherever. That is...if I can still make that choice for myself alone. It is four years down the road, really.

So, here comes the part where I hope no one reads this anymore. I went to a wedding shower last night. It was great, you know, everything they should be. Happiness for surprising the bride, giving her gifts, giggling over the words 'honeymoon', 'lingere' and the like. But it was, man, it was highschool. A bit of a mish mash, but still. I am, or at least I'd like to say I am completely different than i used to be, and these people (some of them) shouldn't be making me to feel like they used to. This is the complete, and whole reason why I remove myself from certain people, and certain social situations, because for some reason, which i have yet to pinpoint, I am unable to be myself, or feel good about myself around them. And I'm too grown up to put myself through things for the sake of not disturbing shit or wanting to please people. *whew*

Just browsing the internet, very interesting website.

Jen,

oh the long road of the B.comm... I am glad you're taking some time and going to Europe... even though you'll be taking courses it should give you some sort of relief from the asper school; a good pit-stop on the long road.

As for what happened at the bridal shower, I understand that feeling. I hated highschool with a passion. But is there really a point in confronting people who you rarely see and could care less about, especially at such an event? I think you did the right thing, just play fake, smile, 'please people' as you say... The circumstances didn't permit you to break the social harmony. You know who you are and that's all the matters.

From when I had met you, till where I know you now, I've seen you change into an even more amazing woman and yet still maintain a strong sense of values.

You care about others, you're generous, you help people, you've helped me tremendously, you're smart, determined and a great friend...

Love you Muchly,

Justin!

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