Okay, here I am at a time that's way too late for someone to be up if they have to work the next morning. But really, work has unlimited coffee. I'm mostly writing right now, because I know Holly checks. Everyday, even though she knows she will find nothing new. And this is not good. I often do want to write things, and even half write them in my head, but then, no. I don't have the time/I don't have the right words/I will offend someone/What I say doesn't matter...etc...etc. The excuses go on. And really, I'm not all that upset at much at the time. Life is excellent, I have an awesome job, and an 'okay' second job, I'm leaving for Europe in three months, and when I come back, I hope to assert my independence once and for all. So the plan is in my head, anyway. My degree feels like it's taking forever and that it never ends. I suppose an extra year for a bachelors doesn't make so much difference in the long run, but when I already wasted a year after high school, it's starting to add up. So, the plan is, six years after I graduate high school, I graduate university, then I enrol in the hell that is known as CASB. What lies ahead for me there I have no idea. Free time will be redefined, friendships lost, forged, neglected, sanity questioned. Or so I hear. But when I'm done, oh man, when I'm done. Glory glory. A job pretty much wherever. That is...if I can still make that choice for myself alone. It is four years down the road, really.
So, here comes the part where I hope no one reads this anymore. I went to a wedding shower last night. It was great, you know, everything they should be. Happiness for surprising the bride, giving her gifts, giggling over the words 'honeymoon', 'lingere' and the like. But it was, man, it was highschool. A bit of a mish mash, but still. I am, or at least I'd like to say I am completely different than i used to be, and these people (some of them) shouldn't be making me to feel like they used to. This is the complete, and whole reason why I remove myself from certain people, and certain social situations, because for some reason, which i have yet to pinpoint, I am unable to be myself, or feel good about myself around them. And I'm too grown up to put myself through things for the sake of not disturbing shit or wanting to please people. *whew*