Genevieve's Place

Looking back over my old posts, I can see that I've made about 50 since the beginning of this (school) year, making this one 51. Crazy the beginning was, wasn't it? I had nooo idea what I was doing or getting myself into. I didn't know that...I'd be making some really awesome friends, that I'd be going to the ballet (for school, even), that I'd realize I think I'm too old to enjoy Christmas anymore...that I breathe heavily in my sleep and sometimes snore, that even though I question it, I like being in University, and a cumulation of other things that make me into a completely different person from the one that moved into this apartment 7 months ago. Shortest long 7 months of my life. It's been the best.

Posted by Jen at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments

The snow is gone, and winter has pretty much called it quits. I was kinda hoping for one more nice big storm, but I guess that will go unfulfilled. So, it's pretty much spring before April 1st...it's going to be a pretty hot summer. I think anyway. It's now raining outside...and it's actually kind of nice. Hopefully it'll wash away some of the yuck that is now most of the city's streets and sidewalks. I wish it were raining more heavily and that I could open a window to listen. But it's just drizzling and it's too cold outside. I don't know exactly where I'm going with this. It just seems like such a dreary time of year and so long since I've seen the sun, even though it shines pretty brightly almost everyday.

Posted by Jen at 9:33 PM | Permalink | Comments

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD:

1. cashier
2. mcdonalds
3. sales person
4. waitress/housekeeping

FOUR MOVIES/SHOWS I'VE BEEN ADDICTED TO:

1. currently Gilmore Girls, although I've no choice but to miss it
2. ER
3. Dawson's Creek, back in the day
4. buffy/angel...oh and everwood

FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED:

1. winnipeg
2. winkler
3. grass river
4. no where else!

FOUR COUNTRIES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT:

1. The UK (yes i know that's like 6 countries)
2. Germany
3. Finland
4. Iceland

FOUR POPULAR FALSE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME:

1. that I'm always happy
2. that I'm apathetic
3. that I'm smart
4. that I'm cool...oh...wait, no one thinks that

FOUR PEOPLE I LOOK LIKE (according to some people):

1. Juliette Lewis (yeah, i don't think so either)
2. my dad's sister
3. i'm running out so...some girl at school...never met her
4. ....you....

FOUR THINGS (I HOPE) TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

1. learn another language..fluently
2. fall in love, get married, etc. white picket fence, etc.
3. travel, have crazy adventures
4. write, like a book or something...but who doesn't want to do that

PEOPLE I TAG NEXT:

1. Annie - triple daring you now
2. and well...all of the people who've been tagged and have yet to do it

Posted by Jen at 12:12 AM | Permalink | Comments

I, yeah. I don't know. I've...done all my laundry. Done some homework. Had a job interview. Washed my car. Cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. You'd think I'd feel accomplished. Buuut, I don't. Maybe it's that thing where I always want more. Could be. I like it when my life's not all the same all the time, but I'm also going crazy. I need to know what I'm doing this summer. I need to know how to feel. Can't someone do all my worrying for me? But then they'd probably want to have all my fun too....

Posted by Jen at 10:10 PM | Permalink | Comments

The thing that I'm not looking forward to about moving home this summer is missing the people. I don't care about the city, the places, whatever. I've been home a couple hours this weekend and already I just want to go back. Of course I have an exciting reason for being home at all, but yeah. I'm just so so used to being around friends all day long. I never knew I was so dependent. Sad, I know. I just hope working potentially keeps me busy all summer. That, and I'm supposed to go various places with various people, and hopefully I can also get time off to do fun stuff. Anyway...I get to go watch TV now :)

Posted by Jen at 8:29 PM | Permalink | Comments

I've been a lot of things to a lot of people...consistently. Which is to say, I've been no one person consistently. I've been the soft-spoken obliging friend, who'll always help, who has her own reasons for doing so. The always happy one, who wants no one to see anything upset her. The closet cynic, emerging only ever to bare her claws so as to be left alone. I've been the 'worldly bad example' and the 'naive small town girl' all in the same time frame. I've told several different people today in answer to their obligatory "how are you?" question: 'okay' with a frown, 'good!' with a grin, and fine. If I said 'good' and I wasn't, it was either because you don't really care, or I really don't want to tell you how I am. Today anyway.

I don't know how you feel about who I am...but I recently had an acquaintance that I spend a fair amount of time with express a bit of shock that I go to church. I admit, when I'm around him, my good girl attitude rarely gets the chance to shine. But that's the thing then...I've met so many people, all of them awesome...and really nice, but whose beliefs aren't necessary mine, or what i've been told. When I moved to the city, I don't know what I thought...that people that don't believe the same thing as me would be evil, mean, etc? I hesitate to include the description of 'partiers' in my description of what is not good, as a lot of people like to, because I'm starting to find that well...a lot nice people can be found, and a pretty good time, if you just see beyond the stigma you've been taught to attribute to such people.

Oh, and how am I? I'm...okay...*frowns*

Posted by Jen at 11:51 AM | Permalink | Comments

I find myself faced with a decision that I have to make. The decision will be made for me if I remain silent. But I'm also always afraid of expressing myself too much (will she ever shut up?). And so, I enter the struggle of trying to do "The Right Thing™". And whose Thing is right? Or rather, whose idea of Thing is right?

Posted by Jen at 4:39 PM | Permalink | Comments

I'm having somewhat of the longest day ever, and I'd like nothing more than to make a cup of tea and sit here and think, but I can't, well shouldn't. Because it's midnight after all. Who goes out on a monday night? Me, apparently. I don't know how to feel about that. Yet I continue to sit here. Sometimes I think like going to bed is like killing the day and all the thoughts of all the things you're in the middle of figuring out. My thoughts haven't even formed coherent streams and I'm contemplating killing them. Well, they seem to be killing themselves off anyway so I may as well get some sleep...

Posted by Jen at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments

"Not all those who wander are aimless, not those who seek truth, beyond definition, beyond image" That's from the movie Mona Lisa Smile, which I watched this afternoon. I remember watching it before, but I don't really think I got it last time. I also don't think I was living away from home the first time I saw it. And that quote doesn't really sum up how I feel about it, I just thought it was cool. What the movie did make me feel though, was that I am the luckiest ever to be living now, and pretty much no generation earlier. I don't know how I could fulfill certain expectations that would be required of me. I just...couldn't be that kind of girl. Although I suppose the movie was about upper class families, and being a lowish class mennonite in any country I could probably get away with a lot. I think it seems that the farther down you are in the 'class' system (don't fool yourself, it's there) the fewer expectations there are, the more freedom you have. I don't know what I'm saying really, just some thoughts I'm having.

I also read Thunder of Heaven today. Good book. Strange though, very weird.

Posted by Jen at 12:33 AM | Permalink | Comments

I came home this weekend to go to a wedding. A wedding that, well, I wouldn't have been missed at. I saw about a billion people that I once knew, but don't really talk to now. I'm not their type. I'm not married. I almost didn't make it home. Here come the dramatics, I know. My car, sweet as it is, was, well, completely out of antifreeze. For those of you who don't what that means, as I didn't, I was actually afraid that it would have exploded, which logically, seems absurd, but I'm kind of a chick when it comes to cars. So, since the sweet, well-meaning gasbar attendant couldn't remove the cap-thinger, as I called it, and as I had already opened a dialogue about this with my parents before I wrote my exam last evening, my dad was pretty much on his way. That's right, from winkler, to winnipeg, to winkler. My daddy loves me. Logically, he could've said, well, get it open anyway possible. I could've gotten a boy from somewhere to do it, but I don't know many well enough to impose. And these friendships are a bit fresh. Maybe if I had known what was really wrong I would have. But thaaat's not so relevant now. Well, boring dramatic tearful story short, I made it home without further trouble. I'll bet that Robin's employee thought I was wicked insane though.

On to the real 'story'. I believe if the wedding would have gone unattended by me, few would have noticed. Less would have cared. But I digress, it was a relative's wedding, and so, this must be done. First, let me just say that yes, it was a beautiful wedding, everything went flawless, etc. etc. etc. I sat there thinking, well, this easily could be me. Easily. And that was the thought that nauseated me. Yeah, okay marrying a cousin should probably be a sickening experience (haha?), but I mean for real. If I was the one going through these motions on this day, or any day near it, in this place, or a place not too far away, with someone, but not anyone, I think I'd have to be sick. And yet, I want to get married. Badly. But please don't mistake that for desperation, because I am anything but. I swear, I used to love weddings. But on the way out today, my next youngest cousin asked me if I did, and I said "yes" because my mom was in front of me, but I shook my head no so he'd know the truth.

Maybe it was just today. Maybe I'm just restless right now. I chatted with a friend from high school who I used to exchange notes with on an almost daily basis within which we talked about boys, our classes, friends, and families, but mostly boys, and especially exchange students. She's married now. Asked me if I was 'seeing someone.' I said I wasn't currently, that I had been recently, and that it wasn't serious, and that it was pretty much casual. There were so many couples. So many. Makes me want to do that thing that I do every few months or so and pull out that atrocity of a yearbook we got grad year, and count of the people who're now married. A few said to me today when I told them of my life, "Oh, that must be fun!" Yeah, it's alright, but I'm still alone.

Posted by Jen at 11:47 PM | Permalink | Comments

Could I just say that summer could not come any faster? All I want to do is sit by a fire...and no one even has to be there...but I just want to sit there in the quiet, on a lawn chair with a blanket over my knees, staring at the flames.

Posted by Jen at 11:34 PM | Permalink | Comments