I came home this weekend to go to a wedding. A wedding that, well, I wouldn't have been missed at. I saw about a billion people that I once knew, but don't really talk to now. I'm not their type. I'm not married. I almost didn't make it home. Here come the dramatics, I know. My car, sweet as it is, was, well, completely out of antifreeze. For those of you who don't what that means, as I didn't, I was actually afraid that it would have exploded, which logically, seems absurd, but I'm kind of a chick when it comes to cars. So, since the sweet, well-meaning gasbar attendant couldn't remove the cap-thinger, as I called it, and as I had already opened a dialogue about this with my parents before I wrote my exam last evening, my dad was pretty much on his way. That's right, from winkler, to winnipeg, to winkler. My daddy loves me. Logically, he could've said, well, get it open anyway possible. I could've gotten a boy from somewhere to do it, but I don't know many well enough to impose. And these friendships are a bit fresh. Maybe if I had known what was really wrong I would have. But thaaat's not so relevant now. Well, boring dramatic tearful story short, I made it home without further trouble. I'll bet that Robin's employee thought I was wicked insane though.
On to the real 'story'. I believe if the wedding would have gone unattended by me, few would have noticed. Less would have cared. But I digress, it was a relative's wedding, and so, this must be done. First, let me just say that yes, it was a beautiful wedding, everything went flawless, etc. etc. etc. I sat there thinking, well, this easily could be me. Easily. And that was the thought that nauseated me. Yeah, okay marrying a cousin should probably be a sickening experience (haha?), but I mean for real. If I was the one going through these motions on this day, or any day near it, in this place, or a place not too far away, with someone, but not anyone, I think I'd have to be sick. And yet, I want to get married. Badly. But please don't mistake that for desperation, because I am anything but. I swear, I used to love weddings. But on the way out today, my next youngest cousin asked me if I did, and I said "yes" because my mom was in front of me, but I shook my head no so he'd know the truth.
Maybe it was just today. Maybe I'm just restless right now. I chatted with a friend from high school who I used to exchange notes with on an almost daily basis within which we talked about boys, our classes, friends, and families, but mostly boys, and especially exchange students. She's married now. Asked me if I was 'seeing someone.' I said I wasn't currently, that I had been recently, and that it wasn't serious, and that it was pretty much casual. There were so many couples. So many. Makes me want to do that thing that I do every few months or so and pull out that atrocity of a yearbook we got grad year, and count of the people who're now married. A few said to me today when I told them of my life, "Oh, that must be fun!" Yeah, it's alright, but I'm still alone.
On to the real 'story'. I believe if the wedding would have gone unattended by me, few would have noticed. Less would have cared. But I digress, it was a relative's wedding, and so, this must be done. First, let me just say that yes, it was a beautiful wedding, everything went flawless, etc. etc. etc. I sat there thinking, well, this easily could be me. Easily. And that was the thought that nauseated me. Yeah, okay marrying a cousin should probably be a sickening experience (haha?), but I mean for real. If I was the one going through these motions on this day, or any day near it, in this place, or a place not too far away, with someone, but not anyone, I think I'd have to be sick. And yet, I want to get married. Badly. But please don't mistake that for desperation, because I am anything but. I swear, I used to love weddings. But on the way out today, my next youngest cousin asked me if I did, and I said "yes" because my mom was in front of me, but I shook my head no so he'd know the truth.
Maybe it was just today. Maybe I'm just restless right now. I chatted with a friend from high school who I used to exchange notes with on an almost daily basis within which we talked about boys, our classes, friends, and families, but mostly boys, and especially exchange students. She's married now. Asked me if I was 'seeing someone.' I said I wasn't currently, that I had been recently, and that it wasn't serious, and that it was pretty much casual. There were so many couples. So many. Makes me want to do that thing that I do every few months or so and pull out that atrocity of a yearbook we got grad year, and count of the people who're now married. A few said to me today when I told them of my life, "Oh, that must be fun!" Yeah, it's alright, but I'm still alone.
nice template...nice nice. funny, the irony of not being able to see yourself at that place, and yet wanting a part of it. ugh.
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:17 PM
Ha, Kendra 2, you are first in Todd's heart...does that mean I should change you? I figured numbers where better than...well, initials...or...symbols, or...oh, pictures. you get the idea.
Posted by
Jen |
5:59 PM