Ever feel like you'd rather be anywhere but here? I do often. Sometimes when I'm depressed, but right now I'm just thoughtful. I really rather be anywhere but here. Somewhere where people are happy and excited about Christmas. Where gifts are given from the heart, and money isn't worried about, because the gifts are about the person who is receiving, not the person giving. Seriously, I'd rather not be at home this Christmas. I tell everyone it's okay that I'm getting a toaster and coffeemaker, etc, for Christmas but really. Seriously. Who wants that for real. I would love to receive a gift someone actually considered before they bought. A gift were someone thought about me, and believed I'd really appreciate what they'd given to me, and it's not necessarily a thing, this gift. Yes, I do feel selfish saying that I want something for Christmas, but I wouldn't care if I didn't get a thing, if I could just receive this one perfect gift. I know not what I'm talking about, so I'll just stop it.
I think this Christmas I'm sad. Pathetic might be the more appropriate word for it. Pathetic because I'll be on the receiving end of a lot of pity after this...sigh. Here's a secret. I'm a little pathetically sad because for the first time, I actually wish I had someone to bring to the Christmas gatherings, to Christmas dinner at my house. Someone tell me I'm not that pathetic for wishing this. I obviously have absolutely no one in mind for this position *winks*... but the fact that there won't be anyone for this position, for say four to five years, that's more than a little depressing. Don't worry or pity, I'll get over it in a few days.
Laters
