I fell into a bout of self pity tonight. I'm well on my way out of it, though, so no worries. I was obsessing about what kind of person I was really, beyond physically and mentally. Was I a jerk? I thought I was for a while. While I'm honestly sorry to anyone that I've ever been a jerk to, I'm sure I'm only a jerk to people on purpose. I'm never a subconcious jerk. If I'm a jerk to you, I think you deserve it. If you think I don't like you, you have self esteem issues. I like almost everyone. I won't say 'I love you guys' because that's another thing I'm having issues with.
I can't just say 'I love you' out of context and without real meaning. Saying I love you, should be a sincere thing, not just something you say when you're saying goodbye to someone. 'goodbye, luv ya', is just a little too casual and meaningless and I think undermines what those words are supposed to mean. How deep they are supposed to be taken. How much they are supposed to mean. Imagine the difference instead of someone just saying 'love you, bye', them saying, 'i just wanted you to know that you mean a lot to me, and I really love you'. Doesn't that add like, a lot of emphasis? In contrast anyway.
I must go watch Efram.
Laters
I can't just say 'I love you' out of context and without real meaning. Saying I love you, should be a sincere thing, not just something you say when you're saying goodbye to someone. 'goodbye, luv ya', is just a little too casual and meaningless and I think undermines what those words are supposed to mean. How deep they are supposed to be taken. How much they are supposed to mean. Imagine the difference instead of someone just saying 'love you, bye', them saying, 'i just wanted you to know that you mean a lot to me, and I really love you'. Doesn't that add like, a lot of emphasis? In contrast anyway.
I must go watch Efram.
Laters
