Friday, January 30

Yeah, I'm definetly in the wrong business. I don't like dealing with the public. Well, it's not a problem when it's on my own terms, but if they're going to be jerks, I'd rather not see one new person in my life EVER.

Do you ever have the nagging feeling you forgot to do something, when of course it's nothing and you're just paranoid? How about not knowing you forgot to do something, and people bugging you about it? Mix those two feelings vigoursly...and you have my job!!

Question: Why do people feel that independence can only be found away from home? I just don't get it. I don't depend on my parents for anything but a place to live, which is one of the most easily attainable things in the world, and they're ecstatic to provide it. I am completely emotionally independent, apparently socially independent, because I don't go anywhere. I'm no-where near financially independent, which makes me grateful for parents who believe children are blessings, not things to be taken advantage of when they're down. I think my parents know I'm different from my sister, from other young people around here. They know I'm just going to leave and never come home.

I'll say something thoughtful soon...

Thursday, January 29

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOLLY!!!
First things...it's HOLLY'S BIRTHDAY TODAY. But she is not home, and when she came online from the city today, I forgot to say it. Boo. I have a present for you!!! You should come home for it. :)

I was just sittin here, sippin my diet vanilla coke, thinking how I hadn't said anything of substance lately. This also pertains to real life, but what can you do. I got another email from the other lodge place, telling me again to send them times to call me. Oh dear another week. Problem is, the first lodge was going to call me and tell me yes or no for the first position. Oh dear. Best case scenario, I get both jobs. But everyone knows how much I LOVE confrontation. Yikes.

So apparently...Chantel Kreviazuk had a baby! I'm so behind...congrats to them!

Hey have you heard the sort-of-new song by Switchfoot? I heard it first on Hot 103, and then I saw the video on Much. So what's up with that, did they go secular or something? But I luuuurv that song. I don't normally post lyrics because...yeah. but, I love this song and probably will be sick of it tomorrow.

Fumbling his confidence
And wond'ring why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments,
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life

Wednesday, January 28

brrrr...
Can't say I've been up to much lately, besides working hardly at all, and waiting for those phone calls. It's very ironic how I wait and wait for the phone to ring, yet when it does, I pray it's not for me. heh. Complex, aren't I?

Sunday, January 25

don't understand
There are a few things I don't understand, like I can't wrap my mind around. One of those things is functions in calculus. Also, sometimes I feel like I'm the only person I know that gets along pretty much 100% with their parents. My parents are definetly not the reason I want to leave home. The only reason I want to leave this place is because it's more and more of the same everyday. I can understand how, when people are charged rent (create them, and then tax them), fight with their parents, etc, why they'd want to leave. But I get along well, very well, with ALL of my family, and it doesn't cost me a cent to live here. Well, I guess if we all (friends and family) lived in the city, I'd be completely set. I wouldn't need a thing more. I'd even have no rent :). I need to leave because I'm truly bored, plus I need to make a little extra money, plus I want to have a challenging experience this summer.

Speaking of doing stuff, everyone changes their mind about doing different things all the time. It's just that half the time you never ever hear people talk about it. I would never mention most of the stuff I've wanted to do because I don't want to be made a fool, you know what I mean? Just because I say I want to do it, and I might even say I'm going to, doesn't mean I can or will. Things change. That's the small small thing that I don't get along with my mom over sometimes. I talk big, with big plans and I know that they won't happen, and she tells me not-so-nicely she doesn't think they will, and even though deep down I know it's the truth, it still hurts. But really I know if it came out the right way, she's just looking out for me and doesn't want me to waste time on silly dreams. But dreaming is fun, is it not?

Tonight Gina mentioned another place that we could all live together. But do you think I trust her that I won't be replaced with the next best that comes along after me? I DON'T THINK SO.

Friday, January 23

So, much to say about this evening. Shall I start at the beginning? Carilee, Jenelle, and I are trying to find exactly where this house is. It's outside of Steinbach, and it's kind of like trying to find Cherise or Gina's house if you've never been there. Without gravel roads of course, just a lot of darkened driveways. Well, we drove past the road we were supposed to drive down and Jenelle was going to pull a U-turn, but she goes a little too far off the road. We end up completely stuck, so me n Carilee decide to get out and push, which is our only option, well other than wasting and hour waiting for a tow truck which we really didn't need, especially since we were about a ten minute walk from the house. While we were getting out, a car pulls up behind us. I check out the roof. Nice, lights. So this officer gets out and asks us if we need a tow truck. Well, we figure we only needed a little push, so he gets a shovel out of his car. Meanwhile, another car pulls up behind him. Another RC officer. Short time later, another car, while two. So these four guys (two of the very cute I tell ya) decide to push the car from the front and have her back out. Of course this works, because these guys I'm sure could have lifted her car. So that was the happy fun adventure.

So, we got to the house at about 8:20 or so, pretty bad considering she was originally expecting us for 7:30. We get these newsletters from last year's season, pretty much what is exactly on the website. Then she recites everything she told me during our first phone conversation. Except that time, I had a lot more to say. I was expecting individual interviews, the whole thing. The whole time she was holding her 7 month old baby, who was absolutely beautiful, happy and smiling. So the whole time in a nutshell: she talked like we were all coming this summer, 'when you get there...', 'you'll do this...'. When she had revealed to us that she had four more interviews next week, and only two available positions. Well, as my sister and brother in law like to say...thanks for coming out. Plus we figured at 7 days a week, 10 hours a day, and 1400 a month, that's five dollars an hour. Thanks for coming out. So right now, I'm waiting for the lodge from Ontario to call me, see if they can give me any more hope. I have to say again, her children are gorgeous. My favourite is the one who says she is 'two old'. So cute! During the interview she tapped me on the knee and led me to where mine and her mom's coffee cups are and she showed me how she put our coasters on top of our cups. She only talks in whispers and she actually likes coffee. That's my kind of kid. I will actually be very very sad if I never see those kids again.

Plan A1 and A2 for the future (well, summer) are either of the fishing lodges, although I wouldn't give much of a chance on either. Plan B is...I don't know working through the summer at whatever full time job I can find. Plan C...uh, find some guy and make him marry me so I don't have to think about the future any more? Jokes! Unpossible!

Thursday, January 22

First, a public service announcement. Don't jump down Marcia's throat for not having new easyjournal entrys. Her computer is out of service at the moment for smoking. No, her PC is smoking. I guess that means I'll have to save my shout-out to Jotham for another day.

Tomorrow I travel to Steinbach at late hours because I have a job interview!! Carilee, Jenelle, and I are going to Steinbach to meet the owners of Kississing lodge and have our interview. Sounds exciting!....except...Someone from the other lodge wrote me an email yesterday...and we'll see where that one goes. The only interview I'll have for that one (hopefully) will be on the phone. I'm NOT driving to Ontario for a job I might not take.

Also tomorrow, I get to babysit my little cousins while my aunt's at my uncle's dad's funeral. Sounds confusing doesn't it. Well, tomorrow early afternoon, you can imagine me crawling on all fours acting like a dog because that's what I'll be doing. Well, maybe it'll be one of the days where she is allowed to watch TV. My kids will be parked in front of the TV, thank-you-so-much. It's very educational nowadays.

Oh by the way, do you think I'm going a little button crazy? Some of them I made..I'm so proud :)..Hmm, I should make a button for each of the people on my friends list. Oh crazy times.

Can you tell I'm tired?

Tuesday, January 20

Happy Birthday Joely-Poely!!!

Every six months, I go to the dentist and have the same conversation I had with my hygienist about six months previous. Always, always...she asks me if I have a 'significant other'. And always I laugh a little and give a stifled 'no way'...I mean she is poking around my mouth. Then she tells me (every time) how she only met her husband when she was 34. She understands me very well. I know have a new response to when people ask me why I don't have a boyfriend..'At first I thought it was my looks, now I'm sure it's my personality.' Should shut anyone up. She also encouraged me not to 'meet a nice American boy' up north this summer.

Coming soon: A list of all the locations mentioned in songs by The Weakerthans. Actual places, not just proper nouns, which would take forever-and-a-day. I was searching the internet for a list somewhere, finding no a one, I decided to make one myself.

My teeth hurt a lot.

Monday, January 19

Mondays are my favorite TV days. I never used to watch TV on Mondays (except for Everwood), until Holly got me hooked on The OC and Average Joe. Average Joe just makes me laugh. Part of me really wants to believe that reality TV is real, that these people are actually like this in real life, and that what they say wasn't handed to them in a script. Oh, to be so ignorant.

Today I had my first Winkler Tim Horton's donut. Yum yum. Tomorrow I must go for an ice cap. I LOVE those. Yes, even though it's nearly -40 C.

Just had the funniest conversation with Evag about when to have her bridal shower except she was in the middle of fixing her bathroom shower, so I kept asking her...what days won't it work for your shower? And she kept answering, we break it and fix it on a weekly basis, and I was really seriosly fixing the water shower. Good times with Eva G. She said next year I'd have to come visit her and her husband...does that sound absolutely surreal to anyone else?

Tomorrow's the actual day of my dentist appointment...and Joel's birthday! I'm guessing he got the package we sent him by now...anyway...

Nighters!

It's back to work tomorrow. Not like I a had a break from it or anything. Thank goodness the store is closed on Sundays, or I don't know what I'd do. This week I have Tuesday (the ACTUAL day of my dentist appointment, and Joel's birthday), and Friday off. I don't know what I'll do with Friday though. Not much most likely because I have an 8 hour shift on Saturday. It's all so boring sometimes I could just scream.

Me n Holly rented a movie tonight. It was The Good Girl. Really didn't expect it to be like that, so I'm glad I didn't go see it in theatres. Waay to disturbing.

Saturday, January 17

What's red, green, and CHOCOLATE?
Yum, candy cane chocolate chip ice cream! Although it seems a little late in the Christmas season to be enjoying such a thing, I only lately discovered it in our freezer. I wish we had it year round. I also wish everyday was Christmas, but what can ya do?

Today started out as such a good day at work. I wouldn't be able to tell you why, because I just don't know. But then after closing it just went from bad to worse. I was screwing everything up and I just felt awful about it.

Today is art's birthday. Nope, nobody I know with the name Art. On January 17, 1963, a French artist decided that 1,000,000 years ago there was no art. Until, that is, someone dropped a dry sponge into a bucket of water. I don't know if that's art. Well, maybe you should talk to Meagan about that.

Thursday, January 15

I'm sending you a valentine
So I figured I should actually add content to this site instead of just submitting it to other sites and adding funny little buttons to mine. I have way too much fun with html. Or none at all. You decide.

So I was saying today how much I hate Valentine's Day. I do. Well, for now at least. You know what I mean. Two of my cashier promised to give me Valentines. I hope they do. I feel like buying Strawberry Shortcake Valentines and then mailing them to whoever. If people will send me their mailing addresses, I will send you a Valentine. Just to make that stupid day more bearable.

Also, the people from the first lodge I applied to, the one east of Dryden, FINALLY FINALLY emailed me back. And I emailed them back with my resume, etc. So we'll see what all happens with everything. I'm noticing now that work is so much more tolerable when you know you'll be leaving soon. I really am going to miss that place for all of my rantings and bitchings. I complain too much about work. I should be grateful to have work, and most everything else that I have.

Hm, my tendency to say 'oh dear' at the drop of a hat is beginning to annoy even me...

Wednesday, January 14

I must've said 'oh dear' about a billion times today. Want to know why? Well, the people, rather, person, from Kississing Lake Lodge called me. Fun, huh? I had already given completely up on it, and then she calls. Oh great. We had about an 1/2 hour conversation, which made me believe I probably had this job, and then at the end she says that nothing's for sure. I want this sooo badly. Oh dear, this is a big deal. I was sooo nervous about telling my boss, but she said it was no big deal and I was very very very very relieved. But now, this week she's checking my references, which will be fine, and then she's calling me next week to set up an interview I suppose. They live in Steinbach so that's where it'd be. Apparently this lodge is a '5 star experience' and 'Dinner is a white tablecloth affair'. Yikes.

Tuesday, January 13

Oh dear
'Oh dear' is my phrase of the moment. Pink is the new yellow. ha, jokes.

So I saw LOTR again today. Mistake, didn't feel like it as soon as we got there. I knew we should've gone to see Cold Mountain. I want to see it badly. Ah, Jude Law. So Les and Heidi were giggling the whole time anyway.

What are your thoughts on Hot or Not? Crude as it is, it seems to be kind of accurate, and no I will not link to my picture for fear of being tampered with.

Monday, January 12

I just got an email saying that, if I was against child abuse, I should pass it on. Well, of course being a fervent supporter of children being abused, there's no way I could've sent that message on. It would have gone against everything that I believe in, everything that I hold dear. How could I sent this message on to inform people that child abuse is wrong when I strongly believe that it is my right, nay, civil duty to beat to a pulp every ankle biter that I see?

Now that you're done rolling your eyes at my pathetic attempt at humor, I must poke (but not fun) at something else that I see. Oh boy. Everyone seems lately so....well....pathetic. I'm really sorry but, I don't pity you, not really, not ever. You have no reason, or at least no real reason to feel sorry for yourself. You've looked so deep inside yourself that all you can see now, is yourself. Hey, I'm not saying that I'm not selfish, I'm one of the most selfish people EVER. But I don't pity myself, not for a second. I'm fully aware of the choices I might make through time, and I've conciously made every single one of them. NO REGRETS.

Hm, I am fully aware that my comments don't work and that you are getting javascript errors. Unless I decide otherwise, if you want to leave me a comment or something, you can email me...who doesn't love that? I might or might not fix this...depends on whether or not I want to lose all the comments from the past..and who doesn't need to lose a little of the past now and then?

I..am..bored. No lie, for once I am actually honestly bored. And lazy apparently, since I thought of going out, but decided going out required not pajamas and makeup. Hey, I'll save myself one day's worth of makeup.

I honestly don't think this fishing lodge thing will work out. I honestly don't want it to. The money would be nice, it would. But the fact that I could only work half the summer, plus I'm not really qualified to do anything at all. Plus! I don't want to miss Eva and Jakob's wedding! I was kinda looking forward to a birthday away from home, where it would be the same. No one would know it was my birthday here or there. Fun.

I think I might have to go out...to save my sanity.

Sunday, January 11

They're all anesthetized by your aesthetic qualities
Huh so, it looks like I didn't make it to church this morning either. So if all of a sudden I turn into complete heathen, you'll know why.

Yesterday was a complete waste of a trip to the 'Peg. I bought basically nothing, while watching my little sisters obsess and obsess and obsess. Fun times. Won't be doing that ever again.

I still haven't gotten any responses from these places I've applied to work during the summer. If I get no word this week, I'll probably just call in.

Anchorless, boat abandoned in some backyard....

Friday, January 9

Muhahaha, it must be Friday
So what if my first results were Viggo Mortenson?


You are going to marry Orlando Bloom. He will
always treat you right and is very romantic. He
will do anything for you. He is very polite and
has deep brown eyes and is very good looking
(which is another plus!). He can make anythind
cheesy look really good (like sliding down
stairs on a shield shooting arrows or wearing
pointy ears for example). Congrats!!



Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (10 results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, January 8

Where have I been, anyway? It seems ages since I've been here. Well, Tuesday night, even though I didn't feel like it, me and Cherise went to Rock's. She needed a Corona before she left. Since I didn't have any cash, she paid for my drink, but I will be paying her back in the form of a package (anyone want to contribute?). Since the bar closed at midnight, it was a pretty early night, plus I think she still had some packing to do, and she was going to stay up all night anyway. Then last night I went to Java Junktion with Holly, and then we went to see Cheaper by the Dozen. Hm, I did like it. It was cute, plus so was TOM WELLING!!! Such a cutie. And when I haven't been out, I've been working, and when I haven't been working, I've had my nose buried in Interview with the Vampire. Yes, very good times.

Monday, January 5

So...that's what it feels like
So let's face it. I'm not Ms. Popular, never will be. I've dealt with it, I'll never be the one people call (and I'm strangly greatful for that). I don't blame people for not loving me..lol..I'm not exactly Miss Cheerfulness, or Ms Perfect, or even Ms Humble, and yes, yes I am refering to actual people. But one thing I've never ever been...is left out. Or at least bitter about it. Sure, I've been left out of things, things I couldn't care less about, but somehow this thing I'm not supposed to care about does bother me a bit and I can't figure it out. Maybe it's because it leaves me in the cold...literally. Bah well, the future can worry about itself.

Today I went outside (yuck!). What I meant to say was I went to Solutions and spent my gift certificate that I got for Christmas from my parents...Ah, the gift certificate...always the perfect gift that tells you that someone doesn't know you very well. This is what I bought. And for those of you that actually looked, it was listed on my baggle. Anyway, I'll be pumped on reading these for the next few weeks, because although I can read a Chronicle of Narnia in two days, I cannot read a vampire chronicle in as few.

Today, the Hildebrand sisters came over, and after a rousing game of LOTR Trivial Pursuit,(do you ever think about that name? How the game is a trivial pursuit?) we watched a show called Average Joe, which in and of itself is not a bad idea for a reality show, as far as reality shows go...really can't stand them. So it was this model who goes on and on and on and on about finding this soulmate as we're watching her ready to get humiliated because all she gets to meet are this bunch of guys, who basically are, well, below average. I hesitate to say that because I don't exactly hold myself to average status. Anyhoo, these guys are pathetic in each of their own pathetic ways. Just as I am. lol. I still pity her more than I pity the guys.


Lately I stumbled across something called fanlistings. It is...well, at first it sounds like a great idea for fans to join a little club and put up a graphic on their site. There is SO much to be a fan of (or it seems). I've already spent a ridiculous amount of time browsing and saving and posting and joining. You can be a fan of anything from every character from a TV, to their relationships to clocks to sporks (yes i know...sporks) to takoyaki (octopus balls) to Capitalism to moonstones. And as you can tell, I had way too much fun putting that little list together.

But seriously, isn't my little sidebar pathetic...let's see, what am I a 'fan' of so far? Hmm, Darren Hayes, yes who doesn't know that about me? Irish accents...well...yeah! Ever After is only my favourite movie ever. The Chronicles of Narnia are my favourite book series, and Anne Rice is my favourite author. I still play The Sims...well, sometimes. And I drink coffee and diet vanilla Coke, well actually at the moment all we have is diet Pepsi. hah. And the Powerpuff Girls are cute. If I had all the space in the world and all the time and bandwidth, and it didn't look totally stupid, I'd fill a whole page with those silly things.

Sunday, January 4

Yeah so, I never made it church this morning. I believe my mom woke me up once, she said she did twice, and it was all a dream to me. Sweet sweet sleep.

I was up late reading. I'm reading The Chronicles of Narnia for the fifth or sixth time now. I never get tired of them. I don't know what it is...they'll always be my favourites. I just finished 'The Horse and His Boy' last night, and began 'Prince Caspian' this afternoon. That one and 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' are my favourites.

Watching my sister playing a video game, the phone rings, and she whispers, 'not for me, not for me'. Heh, it seems this hatred of the phone ringing is a widespread phenomenon. Although Cherise just called and that was most welcome, because I wasn't able to go see LOTR once again with Les and Heidi. As is our tradition we see it sometime in Christmas holidays when they have memorized almost all of the lines, and just annoy people in general. Very much fun. I wonder what shall be our next tradition. Probably nothing, and just another reason to be sad for the trilogy to be over.

"An individual Christian may see fit to give up all sorts of things for special reasons -- marriage, or meat, or beer, or cinema; but the moment he starts saying the things are bad in themselves, or looking down his nose at other people who do use them, he has taken the wrong turning."
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Saturday, January 3

Hmm hmm hmm
Well today was a total buggered waste. I wake up to my mom asking me if I wanted to go to work, because work called and I was supposed to call if I wanted to come in. They should've done it the other way (calling if I didn't want to come in) maybe I wouldn't have shut my eyes and gone to sleep for another three hours. Everybody leaves soon. Makes me sad.

Hah, reading Annie's ej, I feel the same way. I HATE when the phone rings. It might be for me. I hate that. I don't know exactly what I fear. My boss calling maybe. People who I don't want to hear from calling. People who I'd rather not be with. Oh great, now nobody's going to call me EVER after reading this. And by the way, if you are reading this, I do probably want a phone call from you. Call me and find out.heh.

So this evening, me and my little sisters rented Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Not bad, except I could predict exactly what was going to happen. At one point I actually visualized what I thought would happen, and than it happened. Fuuun times.

Hmm, maybe I should go to bed, cuz maybe I might go to church. Hah, for the first time since the baptisms not including Christmas. Everyone goes to church on Christmas. Who knows why?

Thursday, January 1

Why does time seem to pass so slowly when you're just cruising through life? All I do is stay up late and sleep in lately it seems. I'm so dull lately. If you'd asked what was new with me I'd honestly have to say nothing. Believe me for once!!

Know what's depressing? I feel like I can't even apply for jobs because I don't have enough references. I know nobody, and I've had two whole jobs in my life, both of which I can't really use. blah.

Today is the first day of the year. What am I going to do this year? Hopefully actually something. This whole fall has seemed like a total waste, like a complete and total waste. Nothing much has happened. I'm beginning to think I'm addicted to change. Like when a crazy idea comes to mind, even something that will change my life a little, I totally want to make it happen. I can't wait to leave my current job, not that I hate it (that much), but it would bring change, and I crave it.

It's been okay to see everyone that's come home from school. Besides Cherise and Janelle, I've been seeing everyone pretty much at least once a month, if not more. The more people are around it seems, the less often we get together. Hmm. I will miss everyone when they go...but they'll be back soon. And then hopefully I'll be gone. I don't think I'll be missed as much though. Like if I'd walk into Holly's party a little later than I did, not many people would be shouting my name. I think it's because I'm a huge jerk sometimes...hehe just kidding. I'm just not one of those people you know? I think most people would understand.